I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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