Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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