I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
