How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
