4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
