Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize