i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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