Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
