she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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