You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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