so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
