TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
