Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
