So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
