oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
