I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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