Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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