You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
