I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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