ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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