You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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