I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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