not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
