hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
