I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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