"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
