can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize