she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
