I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
