Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
