I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
