I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
