If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
