Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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