My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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