OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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