Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
