just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
