My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
