this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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