hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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