The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
