Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
