That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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