the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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