Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
