woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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