Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
