I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
