i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
