I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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