I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
