remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
