If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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