Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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