I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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