sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
