Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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