i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
