I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
