You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we have officially lost it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
