I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we're so committed to being not committed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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