Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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