It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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