My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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