Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
