I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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