Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
