im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
