I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
