Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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