things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
