So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
