I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I party with great urgency now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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