i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
