I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
