hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
