every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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