that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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